| | Okay so i'm ready for the new year......shiets gone down........and its new years eve and i feel even more shitty...but i've realized what my hole in my heart is and what it is that i'm missing.....and FUCK my family downstairs is having a fucking blast and here i am crying my eyes out how lame am i.....relationships........it just drains the shiet outta you...yes yes......i know i'm that couple that always has problems now its wonderful...its taking a bad toll on me...........BUT out of all the bad stuff today i've had an epiphany.....that the void/hole in my heart is that i don't have the love that i need.......All around me everyone has their own family and that "family love" or have significant others that they love and beginning a family...and i'm just kinda hanging on the outside of everything....like my sister i live with she has her own family and love.....and my cousin that i use to live with has their own family and love...and i guess i never got that from my mom and that family love that i need but oh well at least i've pin point what my problem is and now when i get a therapist i can figure out how to cope with that... and that i turn to my bf for that love ...he doesn't give me that love or help it any better because he just kinda makes things worse even though i shouldn't turn to him to fill my void of love and i should deal with it myself he should at least help with it....instead of just bring up more problems for me. But oh well.....at least i can discuss this with a therapist and people say writing will make me fell better....so we'll see.......so i guess one thing my stupid ass bf did was let me realize he doesn't love me the way i need him too through all my problems and pains that i have instead he just highlites them and makes me feel shittier........so no more turning to a boyfriend to heal my pain of needing love....cuz shiet isn't working...back to being on my own and figuring shiet out for myself ......this will be my challenge coping with the missing love that i yearn from watching everyone else.... wish me luck.... |
| | Posted 1/1/2007 12:07 AM - 1 View - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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